So. I'm usually a very upbeat blogger, because I know that you don't want to read about my sorrows, all of the time. So anyway- I have a couple of "sorrows" that I need to write about. Maybe use this as my diary, today, if that's ok with all of you.
First, awhile back I had posted something about my health and trying to get to the doctor, etc. etc. Well, I was trying to get into the doctor for some postpartum issues I was (am) having. My doctor put me on some meds (not always the answer, I know, but in my case they are helping some) and she referred me to some counselors. What I didn't realize was postpartum, at the time, really is. I might sound naive here, but I didn't realize that postpartum issues weren't always "depression" issues, but can be other things as well. In my case, the issues are manifesting in anxiety, obsessive compulsive, and anger actions. Anyway- I can't find a counselor, now! Ah! Everyone I have called either isn't on our insurance or they aren't taking patients until January! I would think they would want to get a postpartum mother in right away, because of the issues that can evolve. So, I am praying that God just knows the right person for me and that's why I haven't been able to find anyone, yet. Who knows?! Until then, I continue to take my medicine and try to get out (alone) as much as possible, even if it's only a 10 minute drive around my neighborhood.
Next, there was a death in my family this past week, that I think is bothering me more than I thought it was. On Thursday, my cousin was found dead in his bed, by his 3 month pregnant girlfriend. They believe he overdosed on anti-depresents. Now, I haven't really talked to or seen this cousin in years, or my aunt (my mom's sister). There are many deep wounds and past actions that caused our family (on my mom's side) to not talk and to split apart over the years. The thing that is really impacting me is that fact that maybe if we had been a closer family and if we had been there for him, maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone that he did this. Maybe we could have saved him? I don't know. I also think about the deep pain he had to have been in, to do such a horrific thing. I just pray that something good comes out of all of this! Maybe a family reunion? Maybe my family realizing that they need to straighten up and learn to love each other again? Who knows, whatever it is, there HAS to be a positive that comes from such a negative and sad thing. He is leaving behind three children and one on the way. Four kids in all without a father.
Friends- I just ask that you hold you loved ones and tell them you love them. Don't be afraid to talk to them, if you feel they are going to injure themselves or someone else. Be there for one another, that's what family is for! And, if you need help...ASK FOR IT. You may think you have things under control, but if you don't ask for help when your brain (and heart) are telling you to, then you never know what might happen.
*Thanks everyone for reading! I promise happier posts in the future!*