Sunday, November 11, 2007

Struggles

So. I'm usually a very upbeat blogger, because I know that you don't want to read about my sorrows, all of the time. So anyway- I have a couple of "sorrows" that I need to write about. Maybe use this as my diary, today, if that's ok with all of you.

First, awhile back I had posted something about my health and trying to get to the doctor, etc. etc. Well, I was trying to get into the doctor for some postpartum issues I was (am) having. My doctor put me on some meds (not always the answer, I know, but in my case they are helping some) and she referred me to some counselors. What I didn't realize was postpartum, at the time, really is. I might sound naive here, but I didn't realize that postpartum issues weren't always "depression" issues, but can be other things as well. In my case, the issues are manifesting in anxiety, obsessive compulsive, and anger actions. Anyway- I can't find a counselor, now! Ah! Everyone I have called either isn't on our insurance or they aren't taking patients until January! I would think they would want to get a postpartum mother in right away, because of the issues that can evolve. So, I am praying that God just knows the right person for me and that's why I haven't been able to find anyone, yet. Who knows?! Until then, I continue to take my medicine and try to get out (alone) as much as possible, even if it's only a 10 minute drive around my neighborhood.

Next, there was a death in my family this past week, that I think is bothering me more than I thought it was. On Thursday, my cousin was found dead in his bed, by his 3 month pregnant girlfriend. They believe he overdosed on anti-depresents. Now, I haven't really talked to or seen this cousin in years, or my aunt (my mom's sister). There are many deep wounds and past actions that caused our family (on my mom's side) to not talk and to split apart over the years. The thing that is really impacting me is that fact that maybe if we had been a closer family and if we had been there for him, maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone that he did this. Maybe we could have saved him? I don't know. I also think about the deep pain he had to have been in, to do such a horrific thing. I just pray that something good comes out of all of this! Maybe a family reunion? Maybe my family realizing that they need to straighten up and learn to love each other again? Who knows, whatever it is, there HAS to be a positive that comes from such a negative and sad thing. He is leaving behind three children and one on the way. Four kids in all without a father.

Friends- I just ask that you hold you loved ones and tell them you love them. Don't be afraid to talk to them, if you feel they are going to injure themselves or someone else. Be there for one another, that's what family is for! And, if you need help...ASK FOR IT. You may think you have things under control, but if you don't ask for help when your brain (and heart) are telling you to, then you never know what might happen.

*Thanks everyone for reading! I promise happier posts in the future!*

9 comments:

Blueberry and the Bean said...

no one ever said you have to only post upbeat stuff! it is your blog and you can write WHATEVER you want. we all have bad days/things! and like i've told you before letting it out helps.

as for the first issue... you have a lot of people around you that love you very much and are willing to do anything for you. don't forget to ask them for help if you need it. :) if you want to go out and do something "sans kids" all you have to do is call me! (and there is a councilor out there for you, just keep believing.)

the second.... i'm deeply sorry for your family's loss. that is a terrible thing to have happen, the worst of which is that 4 little children no longer have a daddy. you may find reaching out to this part of your family in some way- whether or not the rest of your family does- will make you feel a little better.

you are in our prayers.... :)

Christina said...

I'm glad you've shared your struggles with us. Yes, we love hearing about all the happy things in your life...but we also want to support you in the more difficult parts.

Good for you for recognizing your PP issues and getting help! I used to be on meds and they helped a lot. I do believe the right counselor for you is out there, and you will find him/her. You will get through this and you will be that much stronger for it.

I am so sorry about your cousins death. As you know, my brother in law died a little over a month ago, and it was a similar situation. He was a long time drug addict and we didn't have much contact with him...but now looking back, I wonder if we could have helped change the way things happen. It's hard to not only mourn the loss, but also feel regrets and the pain of family divisions. I ache for you.

Hugs! Prayers! We love you!

Kellan said...

Hi Brittany - that's right - if you need to post about stuff that is bothering you, this is the place to do it!! I'm sorry to hear about the postpartum issues you are experiencing and hope you are able to find a counselor/medication that helps ease these issues. I know, I myself, have experienced some of what you describe, as well, and it is not fun for anyone. Also, I am sorry to hear about the death of your cousin and I will keep his girl friend and you in my praryers. Take Care, Brittany

Kathryn said...

Your posts definitely don't have to be happy all the time. That isn't real life. No one is happy all the time.
As far as the postpartum issues go you can try calling some local agencies to help. Churches have a ton of counselors for all types of issues. Also, The Salvation Army, YMCA, etc. Just until you can get in to see someone in January. My brother was suicidal and he was on a 6 month waiting list to see a counselor. ??? Just doesn't make sense.
I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. Try not to think "what if we could have saved him". A person that can overdose has some serious problems/depression issues and needs some SERIOUS help.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Kathryn

The Egel Nest said...

Everyone needs to post about this stuff sometimes...not all of life is happy...good thing you are venting :)

I also struggle with panic attack and anxiety disorder every day...but I am sure you will get your situation under control...

Your cousin's death...it is tragic...but as you said, hopefully some good will come of it.

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Dawn said...

Hi Brittany, just a note to say I'm with you in spirit. I don't know if my issues are PP or not (might be a little of that, but I have a lot of other crises to be dealing with these days)... and to echo the sentiment that some churches have great programs. Mine has something called Stephen Ministry, which is just regular churchgoers who feel called to be a listener/supporter to anyone going through a crisis. It's free. And your SM meets with you as long as you need them to. I've been meeting with one for about a month now. It's helping me so much.

I too struggle with the "spilling the guts" on the blog thing. See my posts last week! :) You'll find lots of support here. And the same thing you told me: "Chin up." We all love you.

With love,
Dawn

Melody A. said...

I hope you find peace soon. Thinking of you.

Maya said...

Props to you for being so open about this. You know what...you can be sad here and happy! That's what's great about it.

I pray that you are able to find someone to help you talk through some of PP stuff. The first step was taking some action...good for you!

And I am so sorry to hear about your cousin. Those can be some of the worst emotions to deal with when someone decides to take their own life.

Lots of prayers going your way.

Sarah said...

Thanks for sharing!! (By the way, I'm stalking you, hehe) Because I live alone sometimes I seriously question writing struggles/frustrations on blogger. For me, it's comforting to know that it's not just me...I had a really tough week this week. Just feeling really lonely, depressed, overwhelmed with my new life... sometimes you just need to get it out, my sister came over and we talked for a few hours. I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I hope that you are blessed by friends & surrounded by love this week!