Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Letting Go....

I'm going to admit it...
I'm *not* doing well.
I'm *not* okay.

BUT


I feel at peace.
I know it's what is meant to be.
I know this is what happens eventually.

My brain and my heart aren't matching up here.

My Best Friend is moving 194.14 miles away. 3 hours 12 minutes away.

Sunday my little sister moves to Indiana and out of Ohio. My one time "baby," one time pest, and most recently... my best friend. I'm freaking out a little bit... I keep telling my brain that this is what is meant to be, that she will be fine, and that she is going to succeed beyond all measures... but my heart is so sad. My heart is missing her, already.

So, as therapy, I wrote this letter...

Dear Ashley-

I’ll be honest, I’m sad. I’m sad that you are 18 years old. I’m sad that it makes me even older (blah). I’m sad that I won’t get to see your beautiful face, as often as I get to now. I’m sad that we might not stay as close, as we are now. I am sad that you are growing up and don’t “need” me as much as you once did.

I. AM. SAD.

BUT

With that sadness, there is great happiness! I am so blessed to have you as my sister. I never once thought of you as anything less than my “full” sister. There is nothing “half” about our relationship or our sisterhood. Since the day you were born, and you were placed in my arms, you were my full-fledged baby sister. (umm…even that day I accidently dropped you. My bad. Sorry!)

There is happiness in my heart, knowing that you are succeeding in life. You are intelligent, confident, and an amazing young woman. You have such a heart for the Lord, and such a desire to grow in Him, and that is (and always has been) an inspiration to me. I am thankful that the Lord has given you such a loving heart and that you have allowed Him to shine through everything you do!

I never knew this day would be so hard. I feel as though one of my own kids is going off to school. I suppose in a way that is true. I took it upon myself to “mother” you in many ways. From changing your diapers and insisting upon feeding you, when you were a baby; to going on college visits and actively being a part of everything. I am so thankful for all of those days. I am so thankful you allowed me to be a part of those special times.

Dear sister, best friend, and beautiful woman, I wish you the best in this new chapter of life. I pray that the Lord lifts you up and helps you shine, in all that you do. I pray that you have fun, learn lots, and strengthen your being. I pray that you build strong, lasting relationships, with fellow believers; that you impact many, with your wisdom and charisma; and that you exude greatness, in all areas of your life.

And this verse just keeps popping up everywhere I turn. The Lord has shown me this verse, and He has had me use it with many areas of my life, and others’ lives and now I feel it is to be used by you. Pray this when you are weary. Pray this when you feel like you can’t study one more minute! Pray this when you are homesick. Pray this:

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

You will soar on wings like eagles…..

I love you, forever-

Brittany




20 comments:

krissy said...

Well. I'm crying like a baby now. That is so sad. But 3hrs is a cake walk really. My sister in law lives 3hrs from me and we see eachother often. You will be okay. I promise.

As for the microwave. Um. Mr. Eraser after you boil the water in the microwave. Use the hot boiled water to clean (use gloves so you don't scold your hands) and if that doesn't work....throw it in the trash and go buy a new one. Ha.

I know your heart is bleeding right now and I am so sad that you are sad. If only I was closer. Your sister sounds like an amazing girl and you sound like the best big sister ever. I was not such a great big sister. I pushed my sister off of the bed when she was an infant. I didn't like her much. Thankfully that has changed although I would still push her off the bed if I could. :0)

Keep smiling babe. She will always be your sister so therefore, you will always be bonded.

Love ya sweetie. Email me if you need to talk. I would even call you. :0)

Mom said...

Well that letter just pushed mommy over the edge! I am sobbing! My heart is also breaking at the thought of this Sunday. I know I have sent 2 daughters off before but you did not go far from me. Ashley is taking a huge step and it just feels too soon. Your letter to Ashley was so beautiful and expressed your heart beyond measure. I am truly Blessed with amazing children!! I LOVE ALL of my babies beyond words.

Sara said...

(((((((hugs))))))))

It's going to be okay. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it will be.

I know how you feel, my best friend moved 12.5 hours away and I thought I'd die the first few months. Granted we can't hang out like we used too, we are still as close. We talk everyday.

That's almost exactly how far away Alex moved in August and I still manage to see him at least a couple times a month. It will be okay sweetie. Hang in their.

You're in my prayers. Especially Sunday.

Sara said...

After I left the last comment this song poped in my head:

Letting go
there's nothing in her way now
oh, letting go
there's room enough to fly
even though,
you've spent a whole life waiting
it's never easy...oh
Letting go

jessicamarie12 said...

Awww, that is so sweet! In some ways it's nice being an only child since I don't have to worry about missing a sibling, but I am probably missing out on a lot too :)

Remember when we always said we'd have to live together when we grew up? Tell Ashley she has to come back IMMEDIATELY post-college ;) ;) After all, Adam and Matthew need some friends to play with... :)

Hang in there!!!

jessicamarie12 said...

Oops... in the previous comment, "ive together" was supposed to be "live near each other."

jessicamarie12 said...

ACK!!! Now "ive together" is supposed to be "live together"... where is the edit button on this darn thing!?!?!?

Maya said...

Oh Brittany. Thinking about you! I know this will be a hard time for you.

Christina said...

Oh Brittany! I'm sad for you...but also glad you can find peace and the hand of God in this!

Maggie said...

I am so sad for you! Change is always hard - even when it's change we want, but especially when it's change we don't. I hope that you find that 3 hours ends up being barely a separation at all, and that it makes you enjoy each other even more.

Hang in there.

Super Kristen said...

Aw! I'm so sorry. It'll be a difficult adjustment, but you'll remain close. I am about 2000 miles from nearly all of my family members and I think it's made us closer since I appreciate them all the more!

Good luck Ashley!

Elaine A. said...

I'm sure it will be hard not to have your best friend around the corner but thank God for His love and for the fact that you both put your trust in Him.

Oh and thank HIM for phones and computers too... ; )

Kat said...

That is just so sweet.
You are so lucky to have such a relationship like that with your sister. That does not come automatically. I have a sister and we have had to really try to be friends. It is amazing the bond you and your sis have. Just wonderful. You are blessed.

I hope you find your sister's move easier and happier than you imagined. It may hold unknown treasures for you both. You never know how God will work in your life. :)

Blueberry said...

i know 3 hours seems like long, long way. it will be difficult at first but you know you will be texting with her every day. and you know she will call you and tell you everything that is going on. you actually may become closer because of the distance.

i can't really say for sure though. i've never really had that close a friend before. you are very lucky to have such a special relationship with your sister.

Blueberry said...

i know 3 hours seems like long, long way. it will be difficult at first but you know you will be texting with her every day. and you know she will call you and tell you everything that is going on. you actually may become closer because of the distance.

i can't really say for sure though. i've never really had that close a friend before. you are very lucky to have such a special relationship with your sister.

CissaLynn said...

Awww! That was precious!!! Simply precious!!! :)

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

What a sweet post. I love the prayer that you are praying for her and that is a great scripture.

Fire Hunt said...

Your letter to Ashley was so beautiful!

Our Family said...

Awww...how sweet!!

I see many road trip's in your future...lol

Ashley said...

way to make me cry again. booger. lol I LOVE YOU!!! and thanks...for everything =]