Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No Excuses. What is MY Excuse? Part 1.

Usually I write about my life: my kids, school, husband, being sick, etc. And not that I don't enjoy sharing about my life; I tend to not talk about the most important aspect of my life: my spiritual life. Allow me to preface.

At church, this last Sunday, our pastor spoke on excuses, and why we don't share more about our relationship with Jesus Christ.

So, what's my excuse? I don't have one. I just don't share.

(Keep reading. I'm not going to "shove God" in your face, I'm just going to share my story.)

So we were encouraged this week to share our story, to share about being a saved person, being a follower of Jesus, with someone, or in this case with.... MANY people.

From the beginning-

I didn't grow up in a faithless home. We went to church, we spoke of God, and I even prayed sometimes, when I wanted or needed something. I wasn't a "bad" kid, by any means. I was a good-doer. I wanted to please everyone. I wasn't sinless, but I was a good person.

My grandfather was a pretty high official in our church, a reorganized church of Jesus Christ and Later Day Saints. I was a reorganized Mormon. Well, kinda... I had absolutely no idea what any of that meant. I went and heard stories, in Sunday school, I was baptized by my grandpa when I was eight, I took communion, I was a good person... I assumed that's all it took to know who God was; I was so naive.

There were many things in my life, that were broken. My parents were divorced, I used eating as a way to hide behind myself, I looked at myself as a good-doer, but I craved being one of the bad girls, and I spent a lot of time looking for that missing piece of my heart, in all of the wrong places.

When I was fifteen years old, I couldn't handle being "the fat" girl anymore. I was 180 lbs, at 5'2". I wanted to date, I wanted to be noticed, I wanted to be popular, I wanted to be someone different. So I started a vicious cycle of bulimia and working out to an extreme. I lost weight. A lot of weight. I went from 180 to 140 within just a couple of months. I.WAS.THRILLED.

Thankfully, I got smart. It took me a few months, but I finally started a healthier way of losing weight. And it took me a couple of years, but I did finally get to a healthy weight and a healthier way of living. That's when I started an even more vicious path of sin...

At this point in time, we weren't going to church anymore and we weren't practicing any sort of "religious" ANYTHING. I'm not saying my parents didn't instill morals or goodness into my life, because they did, but I didn't have a foundation of God's love to show me the right and wrongs of life.

I'll share more about my path, later this week.... Thanks for reading up to this point. :)

12 comments:

Stacy said...

I'm always interested in how people find God. I will look forward to the rest of your story. I'm Catholic, so our relationship with God is less than personal. My favorite church was when I was in college I went to the one on campus. It was a much more open-minded and liberal interpretation of the Catholic doctrine. No more kneeling! ;)

I can never imagine you at 180, though. You are such a petite girl!

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Anxious to hear the rest of your story!

Elaine A. said...

Thanks for sharing this with us Brittany. Can't wait to hear the rest!

Kathryn said...

I love to hear personal stories like this one. I think putting it all out there really helps people relate.
Thank you for sharing with us. :)

Christopher's mom said...

Britt,
Thank you for sharing your story. I will check back in for the continuation.

Trannyhead said...

How courageous of you to come out about your weight loss and eating disorder and spiritual journey. Good for you!

My Goodness said...

Very interesting, Brit, wow. Looking forward to the rest...

Kellan said...

Oh, Brittany - I enjoyed reading about your path and am so glad that you got healthy and aren't on that path anymore. I know you don't feel like you mention your faith or spirituality much, but I have always known how spiritual you are - it comes through your blog.

Take care, Sweetie - see you soon - Kellan

UDMom729 said...

I'm listening. I knew you, but didn't "know" you. I'm so glad you have found some healing through God and that your boys are growing up knowing Him. I hear ya on the difficulty of faith sharing though.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Thanks for sharing this so far. Can't wait to read the rest. You are very brave.

KEEP BELIEVING

Fire Hunt said...

I like this post. I need to do a post like this.

Arizaphale said...

Wow Brittany. I am so glad you are sharing this story with us. I can't wait to read more. You are challenging the rest of us to be as honest.