Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Sister is Amazing

(I'm going to ramble, be forewarned) 

I have this amazing sister. She's about five years older than me. When she met me, apparently she wanted to throw me in the trash. We were not the kindest to each other, growing up.

I pestered her. 
I knew how to push her buttons. 
I would get her in trouble, by saying she did things... when really, I was the one who started it...

She would push me, 
punch me, 
bite me... 

However, one day. One day we realized we had differences. We realized that we had different personalities, different ideas, different strengths and different weaknesses. On that day, we became friends. I can't tell you the exact time it happened or why, but on that day, we realized that we needed each other. 

I realized she was: funny, loving, caring, crazy, spontaneous, daring, fearless, brave... special... 

I have a million stories I could tell about my sister. Some of them are funny. Some are sad. Some are personal. Some are secrets. Some are embarrassing. But that's what sisters are. Story keepers. Story sharers. Story tellers. 

This same person has been fighting for her life, for the last week. Since last Wednesday my big sister has been in the hospital, fighting to live. She entered the hospital last week with double pneumonia and H1N1. She's been on a respirator, paralyzed, sedated, and fighting to live. 

I've spent the last week, trying to be some of what she is: fearless, loving, caring, brave... I feel as though she is much better at these attributes. Instead I stand by her bed sad and fearful. I cry. I sob. I beg her to breathe. I ask her not to leave me. I am selfish. I realize that. But I need her still. I have so much to learn from her. I want her to teach me to be a better mom, a better person, more daring... more fearless. We have too much to do. 

As of today, she is improving some. We are hopeful she will be weening off of the vent soon and she will be able to live a wonderful and FEARLESS life. 

I am hopeful. She is a fighter. The best fighter I know. 

I can't wait to talk to her and tell her all of these things. I can't wait to tell her how I feel about her. That I admire her more than she knows. 

I love you, Michelle. Forever. 


7 comments:

Mommy said...

I can not find the words I am just crying....

Natalie said...

Michelle is amazing and I always thought of her as the older sister I never had.... Hard as this is right now Michelle is one of the strongest people I know and she will fight this!!! Then she will be awake telling us how crazy we have been for worrying!!!

teri said...

I dont know what to say. I love you both very much !!! Aunt Teri

Colleen said...

A beautiful post Brittany. I hope your sister is better soon. I think about my little brother getting ill and I can totally understand how you're feeling.

Arizaphale said...

Beautifully written Britt. Love in every word. Our sisters are amongst our most precious gifts. I am so pleased to read that she has been doing better.

Kat said...

Oh I am so sorry. I will be keeping your sister in my prayers.
I am late to this post so I hope she has vastly improved.
I have a sister that is 6 years older than me, and I wish we had a relationship like you and your sister have. Just beautiful.

connie said...

Well here we are at the time we have been waiting for....She is awake with NO more respirator!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! Prayers have been answered! Its time for happy tears and time to tell her all the things that we have been saying but now she will hear for sure and remember! Britt you are all the things you said about Michelle...if you didn't know it before you sure proved it through all of this! Love you so much!