I have this amazing sister. She's about five years older than me. When she met me, apparently she wanted to throw me in the trash. We were not the kindest to each other, growing up.
I pestered her.
I knew how to push her buttons.
I would get her in trouble, by saying she did things... when really, I was the one who started it...
She would push me,
However, one day. One day we realized we had differences. We realized that we had different personalities, different ideas, different strengths and different weaknesses. On that day, we became friends. I can't tell you the exact time it happened or why, but on that day, we realized that we needed each other.
I realized she was: funny, loving, caring, crazy, spontaneous, daring, fearless, brave... special...
I have a million stories I could tell about my sister. Some of them are funny. Some are sad. Some are personal. Some are secrets. Some are embarrassing. But that's what sisters are. Story keepers. Story sharers. Story tellers.
This same person has been fighting for her life, for the last week. Since last Wednesday my big sister has been in the hospital, fighting to live. She entered the hospital last week with double pneumonia and H1N1. She's been on a respirator, paralyzed, sedated, and fighting to live.
I've spent the last week, trying to be some of what she is: fearless, loving, caring, brave... I feel as though she is much better at these attributes. Instead I stand by her bed sad and fearful. I cry. I sob. I beg her to breathe. I ask her not to leave me. I am selfish. I realize that. But I need her still. I have so much to learn from her. I want her to teach me to be a better mom, a better person, more daring... more fearless. We have too much to do.
As of today, she is improving some. We are hopeful she will be weening off of the vent soon and she will be able to live a wonderful and FEARLESS life.
I am hopeful. She is a fighter. The best fighter I know.
I can't wait to talk to her and tell her all of these things. I can't wait to tell her how I feel about her. That I admire her more than she knows.
I love you, Michelle. Forever.